Spider-Woman s1e15: Return of the Spider-Queen

Air Date: December 28, 1979

Rating: 7/10

After being kidnapped by the Loch Ness Monster and taken to a secret race of spider people living deep in the Earth, they believe Spider-Woman is their long lost queen. When she explains she’s not that, they brainwash her and use her to take try to take over the surface world.

The plot is so crazy and convoluted that it essentially changes to a completely different episode every 2 minutes. It’s great in the same way it’s bad, which I like but if this were any other show I’d probably be very annoyed. In this case, this is one of the more enjoyable episodes in the series if you enjoy laughing at things you aren’t supposed to laugh at.

Anyway, I thought I’d complain about Jeff and Billy, even though this is a series-wide problem, it’s something I didn’t even really start thinking about until the last episode. Jeff and Billy are Jessica’s totally useless companions. Jeff makes sense why he’s there, he’s her photographer and works with her for Justice Magazine. Billy is Jessica’s nephew and there’s no reason for him to tag along every adventure. In fact, she’s a bad aunt for letting him get in danger all the time.

Anyway, aside from neither of them having much in the ways of character or even enough usefulness to consider either of them sidekicks, the real problem comes with how they’re used. You see, if Spider-Woman was a man, Jeff and Billy would probably be women, and every episode they’d be kidnapped by the villain and Spider-Woman would have to save them from some convoluted deathtrap or something. But, I feel that when they suggested that in the 1970s writers room some head exec was just like “You can’t have women saving men! This show is for little girls, right? We can’t have them getting any ideas!” Or something similar and because of that, no matter how stupidly Jeff and Billy are about to die, they basically are just saved, through no fault of their own, by something just as stupid. Never Spider-Woman, even though she’s running around saving the WORLD every episode. I guess my point is, Jeff and Billy are even dumber as characters and I wish they’d both disappear.

Too late now, there’s only one episode left…unless I’m wrong again.

SCORING:

+10: This show is like Voldemort, terrible…but great

-3: A culmination of everything Jeff and Billy represent throughout the series

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